I had a call on Tuesday from a woman I’d never met. She had read my columns about my recovery from bypass surgery and hoped I could help her understand what her husband was going through.
The call came on the eve of a momentous day for me and my family, as today marks exactly six months since my coronary artery bypass graft (CABG). Six moths prior to the time of her call, I was in a hospital bed at Bay Medical Center, contemplating the possibilites ahead of me. On the one hand, it’s a “routine” operation. On the other hand, any such operation can result in loss of brain function, stroke, or death.
I had to decide if this was something I would fear or an inevitability I would accept. I settled on ac-ceptance, decided not to talk about the worst that could happen, and took a sleeping aid the night before the operation.
Six months ago this morning, a talented surgeon carved my chest like a Thanksgiving turkey; cracked my ribs apart with a big ol’ meathook; stopped my heart and pumped my blood through a filtering machine; cut loose some perfectly good veins (including one from my leg) and added them onto my three most-clogged pipes to increase the blood flow; wired my ribs back together; glued my skin shut; and put me in a room to heal.
They even had a machine that breathed for me while I couldn’t breathe for myself.
My memory of the day goes from waking up, bathing in betadyne or some such antiseptic, and be-ing wheeled to the prep room, where a woman with a razor started shaving me, starting at the feet and working her way up. I don’t recall anything past the knees. (See this blog entry for more.)
My next memory are the voices in the recovery room (see this blog).
It was a scary, painful, mentally excruciating, emotionally draining time, during which I surren-dered any number of illusions about this life along with my “personal space.” The intervening six months have been quite an experience as well.
The woman who called on Tuesday said her husband had stopped taking his medicine. He refused to go to cardio-pulmonary rehab. He was angry at everyone and everything to the point of being abusive. She was frightened for him, but feared that she would have to leave him in order to save herself.
It reminded me of my own fears afte the surgery. But I had an incredible support system in the form of my wife and my family. And I had determined before the surgery that I would do whatever they told me to increase my longevity and post-CABG quality of life.
I told the caller that I had been lucky - my anger has not been a problem. It comes and goes, but is usually based on my own frustration with the limitations I’ve had to endure during recovery. More problematic for me has been fits of depression or sudden inexplicable waves of deep emotion. Every-one deals with trauma in a different fashion, and this is all part of the grieving process